Murder in Margaritaville

Blood orange margaritas with ribbons of blood orange peel

I always make margaritas for two...especially when I'm drinking alone.

I’ve always considered myself a rather good-natured and mellow guy… I don’t kick puppies* unless they refuse to move and I can count on three hands (not all mine) the number of times I have overtly taunted my fellow man to a degree that would secure my passage to hell. Truth be told, I’m a misguided pacifist…a dove of peace at a NRA convention…a Mohist disciple, adrift in a sea of self-important feudal lords. I’ve never seen the point in letting the misery and bitterness of other people damage my inner peace by igniting my own contempt…until I gave it a try!! Wow.

Sous Chef Cooper, looking rueful

*no puppies were harmed in the making of this blog entry...especially this guy.

Let me just say that I’ll never go back to a harnessed chi again… Lame. From now on, if I genuinely dislike you, I’m gonna raise my glass to you in scornful tribute. Until my damn arm doesn’t want to lift anymore.

Until someone hybridizes the manslaughter-banana (Patent Pending), the blood orange may just be the most perfectly passive-aggressive fruit on the market today — a fat little culinary voodoo doll with all the visual satisfaction of a bloody crime scene — but none of the embarrassing prison time.

And on a sultry day like today, as rising temperatures shorten tempers dramatically, the only thing better than gruesomely slaying a sanguine little oompa loompa-fruit with a dull, serrated blade might be…tequila. And NEVER let it be said that The Boss lacks a knack for combining awesome stuff, not unlike a culinary Dr. Moreau, into something you just didn’t see coming…


Based on a true story... Just sayin'

Could I make you a phenomenally elegant terrine with 6 inches of duct tape, a coconut and two AA batteries? Hard to say, as I rarely work with coconut… But I can turn the eviscerated life-force of a small pile of unsuspecting citrus into a margarita with a twist — and now you can too!!

blood orange, lime and Patron tequila

Pictured: official food groups in Margaritaville

Blood Orange Margarita

3 tbsp (1.5 oz) silver tequila
2 tbsp (1 oz) fresh blood orange juice
2 tbsp (1 oz) fresh lime juice
2 tbsp (1 oz) agave nectar
1 tbsp (0.5 oz) cointreau or triple sec (though I’m partial to Citronge)

Now, I’ve met the type of pretentious person who will tell you – at eye-gouging length – that there is only one correct way to chill down your margarita (or martini) on the rocks and, I won’t lie…I was as tempted to Voorhees the nearest blood orange as you are. All I will say here is that you want to make sure to fill the shaker with enough ice to make sure you can quickly chill down the drink. Too little ice will create too significant a temperature fluctuation when you add in the room-temperature ingredients and water down your drink. Too much ice will jam up the shaker and prevent sufficient mixing. Both alternatives would suck.

While your basic “simple syrup” would do the job in this recipe, we all know that anything “simple” is fundamentally out of sync with my philosophy of bringing sheer, adrenaline-pulsing adventure to any recipe I vamp. Using agave nectar adds a touch of depth to the final flavor that you just can’t match with plain sugar.

Because Knowledge is Power:

Did you know the blood orange is given its iconic pigmentation by a mutation that creates an unusual amount of anti-oxidants in the flesh? That means it’s totally good for you. I suggest making yours a double…

Blood Orange Margaritas with citrus twist and phalaenopsis orchid

...or maybe a triple, if you're looking for a good time - and a solid alibi.


5 thoughts on “Murder in Margaritaville

  1. This recipe is pretty awesome. I bumped everything up to 1/2 cup and used reposado & silver tequila along with Grand Marnier. Only 1/4 cup of agave nectar though, I didn’t want it too sweet. Garnished with a starfruit. So good I had to make another batch. That is a lot of hand squeezing but so worth it. It’s pretty much a panty dropper…

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