Sauce Boss Opens Up About His Affinity for “Drunken Quickies”

To all my impossibly beloved friends (I’m exaggerating, of course…), allow me first to apologize profusely for the unacceptable lapse in both time and attention paid to you, my dearest brethren…and…sisteren…?…, over the past several weeks. You see, Boss has been a bit emotionally detached recently — immersed in something of an unyielding temporal vortex of unspeakable evil, looping continuously in a cruelly endless cycle that would leave Dante himself cringing in his freshly-soiled shorts…

Stone. Cold. Wrong, mon.

“What’s that, Boss?” you say, dripping with impressively contrived concern…”for the love of all things holy, please tell us more!!”

Well, ok… I’ll try…by channeling the world’s most awesome theoretical physicist (if your brain didn’t just paint a picture of scientist-slash-rock-god-slash-national-treasure Michio Kaku then you’re no friend of mine). Imagine a very large truck leaves the township of Common Sense, carrying an original film reel of ‘Groundhog Day’. This film reel, of course, possesses magical powers and must never be looked at directly, lest your face explode — Spielberg-style.

Belloq head exploding

Wait for it… Waaaaait for it

The truck loses its power steering, as often happens in these conveniently convoluted real world depictions of inconceivably complex quantum physics issues. It veers off-road and plows directly into an Imax-sized screening of ‘The Exorcist’ (now in 3-D)… Defying absolutely everything we think we know about science, a cataclysmic explosion occurs, spewing forth an infinitely-expanding wad of self-replicating idiocy in all directions at 186,000 miles per second…sullying all radiance and good will in the perceivable universe with a fine coating of dark energy.

Mr. Hawking, you know where to find me. I mean, your theories are good and all but THIS…this could change EVERYTHING... I know things about 'stupid'.

So, yeah… That’s pretty much been my February. Between that and Black History Month, I just didn’t have a moment to myself… How you guys been?

Anyway, surely you know me well enough to know I’m all about turning a negative experience into a bit of positive energy so consider this my glorious technicolor bounce-back. Today, I stop wilting in the shadows… Today, I take my life back.

Yeeeeahhhhh, mon!!

And not being one to show up empty-handed as I beg you to take me back, I eagerly present the latest twisted recess of my lovably misdirected mind: my debaucherous and lascivious “Drunken Quickies” Recipes category.

...pervert.

Inspired by that euphoric rush of aroma that never fails to enliven and sophisticate the air in that fleeting moment when alcohol hits searing metal, please consider this  series as a digital manifestation of my culinary liquor cabinet…soon to be filled with recipes – from one-off simple sides to elaborate productions – all enhanced and adultized (no, it’s really a word. I was surprised too) by the “moderate” addition of C2H5OH.

Now you and your loved ones can continue your rampant alcoholic tendencies under the guise of true foodie passion. I just hope you alkies really like to eat…because I’m probably gonna alienate everyone else along the way.

“Sauce” Boss, indeed!!

........I don't get it, mon.

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